Kerem and I got married almost 4 years ago. It was important for us to incorporate in the traditional ceremony the values that are essential to us. We studied the subject and chose to invite couples to recite the seven blessings, the man recited the blessing and the woman recited appropriate verses. We said to each other “Be my woman” and “Be my man” instead of the one-sided wording “Harey AT Mekudeshet Li”. We made the blessing of SheHechiyanu together and wrapped ourselves in the tallit I gave to Kerem . We also entered the chuppa together as a sign of the reciprocity of the chuppa and marriage. The ketubah was signed under the chuppa and so I represented myself, and at the same time we also mentioned the conditional signing of Kiddushin and the prenup which are the halakhic tools that allow minimizing the problem of Agunot and refusal to grant a divorce. Neither Kerem nor I think we will need these tools in practice but it is important for us to raise awareness of these possibilities in the hope that they will become a prevalent norm and protect those who will need them.
